holidays

i have to wake up in 5 hours to drive 8 hours. 8 hours in a car, just my mom and i. this should be interesting.
we're driving to prescott, arizona to spend christmas with my mom's brother and his family. i don't really want to go but i can't tell my mom that. she finally seems somewhat excited for christmas and i don't want to ruin it for her. its not that i don't want to spend christmas with my aunt, uncle and cousins, but christmas just doesn't seem like christmas anymore and i would rather be home with my friends than forced to celebrate the holidays somewhere else. that probably sounds horrible, but ever since my dad died, holidays just haven't been the same.
i miss putting a christmas tree up right after thanksgiving and decorating it. i miss turning the lights on every night and watching as more and more presents were added under the tree. i miss being excited christmas eve to wake up early and open presents even though i knew the truth about santa. i miss waking up to the house smelling like my dad's wonderful cooking and all our family and friends coming over to eat and laugh and just enjoy each others company.
i know christmas will never be the same with my dad gone, but i feel like all we do now is try to avoid remembering him around the holidays. i would rather have our own christmas at home or with my dad's family out here and miss him than try to escape the things that remind us of him.