other things can wait

twlight

in less than 24 hours!!!



p.s.
i want to mention again how much i love living in idaho.
boise is friggin rad.
come visit me!

behind the times

i've been a little behind the times when it comes to movies and tv lately. i've recently been trying to keep up though by watching all the movie trailers on the "front row" application on my computer.
i've decided i really want to see this movie:



there is a possibility that it has already come out in theaters...but i'd still like to see it.

p.s.
tomorrow (well today technically) is halloween...and i'm going to be batgirl :)

also- copeland is in 6 days! wooooo! :)

i want this to work.

i really hope i can trust you and that you aren't going to let me down like all the others.

i found out some things tonight that make me nervous, but i like you. i want to give you a chance.

please don't ruin this.

why?

i just told you about how i have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. how i wish i could write down a lot of things that i feel so that way i can get them out and move on.

but like i said...i have a hard time putting my thoughts into words. i want to get this all out so i can move on, but i don't know how.

i'm glad you feel you can talk to me. i'm glad we talk. i just don't understand why you talked to me about this. maybe you did it because you feel i should know, and i probably should, but it is weird for me to hear these things.

i care about you. i want you to be happy. if you are happy with her, than i am happy for you.
i just hope that if you end up back with her, we wont lose you.
i know we haven't known each other long, but i like getting to know you.
i want to be your friend.

i check postsecret every sunday

its true.

time for a change.

i'm moving...

to boise, idaho...

in one week!


weird. i know. i'm really excited though.
i'll finally be on my own. not just living out of the house, but actually on my own.
i'm excited to be around my friends that live out there. i'm excited about how cheap rent is!
all i need is a job, and i'm good to go!
the plan is to save up money and move to seattle soon.
i'm excited for that too!

i'm just an excited lady right now.

i will really really miss all my friends out here, but i'll be back to visit!
and you can come visit me in boise!
yea, yea i know...idaho?!
it really is fun though! you don't know til you go!

what do i doooo?!

i want to move to boise.
i want to move to seattle.
i want to stay in california.

boise would be the smartest decision money wise. you wouldn't believe how cheap rent is out here! $650/mo for a 3 bedroom house!!! you can't even find a shitty studio for that much in LA.
and i really love the people out here. they're all pretty f*cking amazing.

seattle would also be a little bit easier on the wallet. plus, i just really love that city and again, the people. i'm pretty sure i could suck it up and handle the rain. the ocean is somewhat close by and there is the puget sound and lots of lakes and stuff, so living near water wouldn't be a problem.

then of course there is good old california. i love the beach. i love my friends. my family is there.

all i know is i need to move out...and i need to do it soon.

as soon as i get home, i'm finding a job and working a lot.

does anyone have some place i can live? :D

so there's this boy...

i love random late night adventures.
sitting up on a rock overlooking all the lights.
seeing shooting stars.
getting scared by mice (hehe).

it's past midnight. that means we leave for seattle tomorrow!
yayayyy!

:)

best birthday ever?!

yes!
thank you to sammy and her parents for letting me have an amazing pool party/bbq at their house.
thank you to everyone who came and hung out!

and thank you to my friends for being so much fun!
:)
haha.




seattle in 4 days!
boise in 8 days!

ahhh i can't wait! :)

home at 5 am

i like staying up with my friends until the sun comes up.

eenie, meenie, miney, MINI!

momma got a new car!

...and guess who gets to borrow it sometimes?
;)

driving home

you know when you are driving down erringer toward the 118?
right as you're crossing the train tracks, there is this part where if you hit it just right, going like 40+ mph, it makes your stomach drop.
i try to go that way on purpose, just because it makes me laugh.
:)


i would just like to mention again how extremely, super, tremendously, immensely excited i am to go to seattle and boise in less than a month!!!

<3

it was perfect beach weather yesterday.

run away with me

i'm going to drive north and not stop til i'm happy.




i interviewed for this job in santa monica. i really want it, but i haven't heard back from them yet. i'm tired of doing sales, and i don't really want to sit in an office for 8 hours typing.
i want to quit school. i hate it. i really don't think people understand. i know everyone complains about school, but there are no words to describe how much i hate going to FIDM. i'm not trying to say it's a bad school, because it's not. it just isn't what i want to do...and i really, really hate the drive to downtown la.
i am really hoping for this job in santa monica. i would make enough money that i could move out, or enough that i could save up and then run away.
not run away from my problems, but run away to a place that makes me happy.

honestly, other than because of a few people, why am i staying here?

i would say my family, but i don't even see them! i saw them more when i didn't live here. move away from family=see them more. lame, huh?
after my dad died everyone was all about spending more time with family....for about a month. glad he could teach us a good lesson.

i just want to go to the beach,read my book, listen to music...maybe just start driving...

happy mothers day

don't take her for granted.

seattle & boise!

here we come!
[we = me and sammy]

seattle: june 13th-17th
boise: june 17th-23rd

its going to be totally rad! its true!


why is there nothing going on lately?
i think i've been to simi maybe 3 or 4 times in the past 2 weeks.
i used to be there every single day.
i miss you guys.
:(

son of rambow

sammy, joe and i saw son of rambow last night.
good movie.
i definitely recommend it :)

i would never do that.

for the record, i would never do that to any of my friends.
i know you don't know what i'm talking about. maybe i'll tell you if you ask.

i spent all of yesterday throwing up. i was pretty miserable.
today i spent the day recovering. i almost feel better.

i really need to organize my new room and get the rest of my stuff from my old room. i don't have the energy right now though.

i want some super nerdy glasses... nerdier than the ones i already have.

this summer could not come fast enough. it is going to be incredible.

okay, enough of the random thoughts.
byeeeee.

<3

i miss you

right now i have 43095843905 different emotions running through me and i'm really bad at putting my thoughts into words, so bare with me.
lately i've been missing my dad more than ever. i'm not really sure why. it's not like i've been around a ton of things that remind me of him or something. i think it is just because i've been going through some things and i really wish he was around to give advice or even just a hug. i miss my dad's hugs. i miss his cheesy sense of humor. i miss cuddling with him while we watched tv. i miss our random adventures. i even miss arguing about music and who gets control over the tv.
i know my dad is in a better place, but why did he have to leave me so soon? i'm only 22. he is suppose to be here to walk me down the aisle. he is suppose to be the coolest grandpa ever to my kids. i just don't understand why he was taken away from me already. it's not fair.
i wonder what my dad thinks of me now? i know he wouldn't approve of my tattoos or that i stay out til 4 in the morning, but i wonder if he is proud of me.
i also wonder if i would be where i am if my dad was still around? if my dad was still here my mom and him would be living in a house in la quinta which means i wouldn't have moved in with my mom in the valley. which means i may not have met my friends in simi.
i love my life right now. i love my friends. i just feel like a part of me is missing.
i miss you daddy.

another thing i've realized lately is that i don't really care where i live, it's the people i'm around that make me happy. i would live in antarctica if i could live near all the people that make me happy.
this past week some of my favorite boys were down here on tour. they were here for a whole week and it was awesome. it wasn't necessarily because we did anything different from what i normally do (although "touring" with them was definitely fun!), it was because they are the kind of people that bring out the best in me. they make me happy. all i do is laugh and smile when i'm around them. i wonder if they realize they have that effect on me? i wonder if they're happy around me? i'm going to stop saying "i wonder" now. i really wish i got to see them more often. who knows, when i'm finally completely on my own i probably wont be able to afford living in california, maybe i'll move closer to them. then, of course, i'll miss my friends here. i just can't win.
i really do have some incredible friends though.
thank you to those of you who are real friends and have been there for me through the hard and happy times.
i love you and i miss those of you who are far away.

i love my friends...

they make my life amazing.

desert camping!










we're moving in 6 days!
man without wax comes in 6 days!
bank comes in 7 days!
my mom will be gone this weekend!

life is going to be good for a while.

i hope you come keep me company while my mom is gone.

i sort of feel like i'm being used.

please prove me wrong.

celebrity weekend?

it's like celebrity weekend or something...
last night i went to a party in agoura and jonathan lipnicki (the little kid from jerry mcguire and stewart little...only he's not so litle anymore) was there. i got to hang out with him. he's pretty cool.
then, the super tan stoner guy from grandma's boy, who is also in a ton of adam sandler movies, was at the little league shoot i was at today.

i feel lame. it's saturday night and i'm at home watching fresh prince ready to go to sleep by 11pm. thats what i get for staying out til 2am when i had to be up for work by 6.
it's okay...tomorrow night is spaghetti and prison break night at cali house. i've been craving spaghetti all week! and dying to find out what happens on prison break. hahaha yes, i'm a nerd.
:)

tomorrow my mom and i are going to look at houses!
no more apartment living (hopefully)! yay!

piiiiiicture time:

it has wings!


puppy! leroy is a pain in the you know what, but i <3 him.



dan hits rock on freeway = dan gets new rims!


i wore my hair curly for 3 days. it was weird. maybe i'll do it more often?


i picked this flower and gave it to dan...who threw it at leroy.
=P


the end.

goodnight.

happy birthday

today is my daddy's birthday.

:(

i miss you.

i have no idea how i just made it home.

:/

and 4 minutes later...

bank's show got cancelled.
no more vegas.

go figure.

:(

p.s.

happy birthday daniel huse!

25! gosh you're old!
:D

viva las vegas

if all works out, sunday i will get to go to vegas with some of my favorite boys to see some of my favoritest boys!

please let everything work out!

dear mr. super stubborn immature person,

you've changed. not everyone else.
quit blaming us.
grow up and learn to deal with problems, not avoid them.

i wish you the best, but just remember, the things you do will come back to you.

goodnight.

dear mom,

i'm almost 23. i lived on my own for 4 years and survived.

please treat me that way.

thanks.

evil machine

i have a very serious love/hate relationship with my macbook.

its sunday afternoon. i need to clean my room. i want to work out. i want to read a book. i want to watch movies and catch up on tv shows...

...but i end up on my computer for hours!

help.

i hate the way he is, but i can't stop caring.

dear you and me,

dear us,

you're suppose to be one of my best friends. where are you?

i could go on for hours about you. how could you do this to me? how could you play with my emotions like that?

get over him.

he is my friend too.

don't stay with him if you're not happy.

you're fun. you're funny. you're rad. maybe i like you?

i think you're amazing. we have bad timing.

thank you for all your advice. i hope you listen to yourself.

stop leading her on. can't you see she like(s/d) you?

stop being so blind. you don't have to be lonely.

we care about you. please stop what you're doing to yourself.

stop trying so hard. i'm not going to change my mind. i'm sorry.

stop working so hard. have some fun. lets hang out more.

why are you sad? you're not a sad person.

you're cool but she isn't interested in you.

stop trying to hide from who you are.

take responsibility for your actions.

i love and care about you all.

sincerely,
me

she was like my grandma

goodbye aunt mary.
i love you.
say hi to my daddy for me.

:(

skunks and lights

every night, on my way home from simi, somewhere along topanga smells like a skunk...a super stinky skunk.

every night, on my way home from simi, i sit at the stop light on topanga and victory forever because for some reason it is set on a timer and not sensors. stupid stop light.

know whats going on

i may be somewhat of a hypocrite writing about this since i didn't even know we are suppose to go vote today (but i'm going to go in a little bit!)...

in class today we watched 2 TEDTalks podcasts. both were photographers speaking. Phil Borges and James Nachtwey. they are photographers who travel and take pictures of what is going on in other countries. they take pictures of war, poverty, pain and suffering. both are incredible photographers who really capture what these people are going through. some of the images were extremely graphic, which is what brought me to write about this. as we were watching these podcasts and photographs were appearing on the screen, i was looking around the room and watching peoples reactions. a picture of a man who was on the verge of starvation, who was literally nothing but skin and bones, came up and many people in the class looked away. a picture of a little boy suffering from AIDS in africa came up, and again many people looked away. a picture of a man who had been imprisoned with scars all over his body came up, and many people looked away. the teacher never warned us that we would see these types of images, and many people afterward looked as though they wanted to complain. but he shouldn't have to warn us. i think everyone needs to see these things. people need to know what is going on in other countries, to know how lucky we are to live the way we live, to know that there are much bigger problems in the world than many of the things we go through. while we sit at home on our computers or playing video games or watching tv or complaining about the opposite sex or stressing about homework, people are out there dying of incurable and curable diseases but can't afford medicine. grandparents are parenting grandchildren. people are being tortured by war and their governments.
i encourage you all to educate yourselves further on what is going on in other parts of the world. realize how lucky you are to be born into this world instead of theirs.

value

value |ˈvalyoō|
noun
1. the regard that something is held to deserve; the importance or preciousness of something.

2. (values) a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.


"in the end, it's not about finding someone, or even about love.
it's about improving yourself, and being your best self."

where did you go?

what happened to the boy who told me "make him buy you ice cream"?



-it's raining in my room.
-i keep getting phone calls from some financial company and they're not even looking for me.
-i'm extremely confused about the opposite sex.
-i feel like i have 2 moms lately...one is enough, thank you.
-i'm pretty much broke. <---my fault. i could try harder to find a second job, but it is frustrating since i already have a job, i'm just not scheduled til the end of february.
-i almost got caught in a lie about going to san francisco next weekend, but i came clean. now i feel better and i don't have to worry about using my credit or ATM card up there.
-i went through something the past few days that i'm not going to tell you about, but @^*&*^&)#(*#@! grrrrr! <-- this leads back to being confused about the opposite sex.

sigh.

"Perhaps we all give the best of our hearts uncritically to those who hardly think about us in return."
-T.H. White

trust.

it's strange how, even though its online and you can't hear the tone of someone's voice, the same words coming from 2 different people can have such a different effect.

"you'll be okay."

coming from one person i feel like that statement is totally true and it gives me comfort. coming from another person i feel like they're saying it because they don't know what else to say and it has no truth behind it.
luckily i trust the first person more.
unfortunately i wish i could feel that way about the second person.


sigh. life is hard.

i need you.

boys, aquariums and bowling

do i keep trying, give up and move on, or just sit back and see what happens?

______________________________________


i'm avoiding cleaning my room to write about mine and sammy's little adventure. wednesday night we drove up to monterey and found a decently priced hotel room. thursday morning we woke up, got ready and headed to the aquarium! it was pretty rad. i thought it was going to be a little bit bigger, but it is right on the water and it was a beautiful day out. that alone made it worth it. after the aquarium we wandered around a little bit and had a mint chip sundae from ghirardelli. yes, good enough to write about.
anyway, we decided since we were that close to san francisco we had to go visit josh, so we drove to oakland to pick him up from work then drove to san francisco. we met up with some people from there and from simi at a bowling alley in pacifica. i have never bowled such a horrible game in my entire life, but it was still really fun. driving all the way home after that...that wasn't so fun. sorry sammy for falling asleep on you!
i can't wait to go back up next weekend for the ashy to classy party. i hear geary gang parties are the best.

i probably could have made this more interesting but i'm lazy. and i need to finish cleaning my room so i can feel better about being at home all day.


jellyfish at the monterey bay aquarium
photo by: me :)

spontaneous adventures

it is 3:15 am and me and sammy are sitting in a hotel in monterey.
we decided we wanted to go to the monterey bay aquarium and drove 5 hours to get here. so we are waking up in approximately 7 hours to go to the aquarium. then possibly going to visit josh in san francisco when he gets off work.

yay! :)

san francisco

i should have written about my trip sooner. now i don't know what to say except for it was incredible and i can't wait to go back again!