i miss you

right now i have 43095843905 different emotions running through me and i'm really bad at putting my thoughts into words, so bare with me.
lately i've been missing my dad more than ever. i'm not really sure why. it's not like i've been around a ton of things that remind me of him or something. i think it is just because i've been going through some things and i really wish he was around to give advice or even just a hug. i miss my dad's hugs. i miss his cheesy sense of humor. i miss cuddling with him while we watched tv. i miss our random adventures. i even miss arguing about music and who gets control over the tv.
i know my dad is in a better place, but why did he have to leave me so soon? i'm only 22. he is suppose to be here to walk me down the aisle. he is suppose to be the coolest grandpa ever to my kids. i just don't understand why he was taken away from me already. it's not fair.
i wonder what my dad thinks of me now? i know he wouldn't approve of my tattoos or that i stay out til 4 in the morning, but i wonder if he is proud of me.
i also wonder if i would be where i am if my dad was still around? if my dad was still here my mom and him would be living in a house in la quinta which means i wouldn't have moved in with my mom in the valley. which means i may not have met my friends in simi.
i love my life right now. i love my friends. i just feel like a part of me is missing.
i miss you daddy.

another thing i've realized lately is that i don't really care where i live, it's the people i'm around that make me happy. i would live in antarctica if i could live near all the people that make me happy.
this past week some of my favorite boys were down here on tour. they were here for a whole week and it was awesome. it wasn't necessarily because we did anything different from what i normally do (although "touring" with them was definitely fun!), it was because they are the kind of people that bring out the best in me. they make me happy. all i do is laugh and smile when i'm around them. i wonder if they realize they have that effect on me? i wonder if they're happy around me? i'm going to stop saying "i wonder" now. i really wish i got to see them more often. who knows, when i'm finally completely on my own i probably wont be able to afford living in california, maybe i'll move closer to them. then, of course, i'll miss my friends here. i just can't win.
i really do have some incredible friends though.
thank you to those of you who are real friends and have been there for me through the hard and happy times.
i love you and i miss those of you who are far away.